I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
