it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I understand Curling. That high.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
