What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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