I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
