if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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