Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
