Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
