K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
