I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
