one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
