We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
