I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
