He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
