When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
