Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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