Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
