you guys were way drunker than both of me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
