Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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