he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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