Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
