I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
