I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
