I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
