what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
