paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
