no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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