Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
