Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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