we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
