dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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