u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
