By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
