I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
