i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
