I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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