White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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