That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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