I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
