For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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