420 ftw
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize