She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
