my mouth tastes like poor choices
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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