So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
operation harelip BJ is a go
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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