Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize