Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
