i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
