great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
