I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
