Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
