Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
