So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize