So drunk, too bad you don't want this
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize