No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
