Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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