We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
