oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We left an ass print on the piano.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
