I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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