so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
