So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
