marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
