Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
