Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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