I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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