Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
