that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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