I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
