Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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