i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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