im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
