don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
