Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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