Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.

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(314): View more from Missouri

No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.

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(443): View more from Maryland

he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.

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(805): View more from California

I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

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(813): View more from Florida

You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.

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(727): View more from Florida

Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

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(516): View more from New York

I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Your boobs are like a folk legend.

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