Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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