dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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