if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
