I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
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